Pre-season Rankings: Flying Blind and Long Winded

Have you missed me readers? I'm back. After seeing all the drama in this league, which really was on par with 4 menstruating woman fighting over the last chocolate bar, I'm ready to write again.


But what to write about? Obviously pre-season rankings. This would pose a problem with no ratings, but thanks to my clairvoyance, or my position as someone who works at BSPN, where we quote unquote "make shit up", I thought I would follow that tradition and rank the teams based on feeling, it worked for our ratings system for the last three seasons, so it will most definitely work now:

12. The Roswell Aliens. The cellar dwellers are at it again. One of my favorite teams will likely miss the playoffs. They have a great GM in Joe Iusi and a few skilled players like Ayaz Karim , but when the" neck" is considered your secret weapon, you know you have issues.

11. The Austin Marauders. Jon's team, so I have an obligation to my boss to not put them 12 out of 12. Godoe is a fine GM who will look to Anderson, Kuehn, and number 1 draft pick Jon Rowson to give the state a much better hockey team for years to come. However, the fact that their roster has several 65s (or they were 65s) as regular players troubles even the most optimistic prognosticators. I still expect them to fight for a playoff spot, coming about 6 points shy.

10.The Berlin Guards. The Guards looked for some defense in acquiring John O'Callahan, but wound up with a situation similar to that of Andy Geleff. The guards still have Marquardt, mackiwana and Grundy, as well as Sarin. However, they have too many below average players to win a Thundercup. They may still make the playoffs, but I expect them to get squashed by Gem City in the first round.

9. The New England Brewers. With the departure of Ken Chernoff, the Brewers took a major hit in the leadership department. Bianchi and Kinney will have to fill the void. They have solid players, but only a few guys who will be able to consistently light the lamp. The failed Pete to Boston campaign demonstrated that it is a team for the future, not one to win a championship now.

8.The Toronto Vipers. Under Drezz, the Toronto which-a-ma-call-its should be in playoff contention in the Wilen conference. They have a deep roster to make the playoffs. Their strenghth lies in between the pipes, with the man, the myth, the legend, Drezz Rodriguez. They have a scoring threats as well in Adam Stevens, although he cannot possibly be their only point producing forward. (Update/Correction, they do not have Adam Stevens, he is a free agent as of now.)

7. The Brisbane Clippers. The Clippers would have started off higher, but after the Steig trade, the Alan tirade and Matt's new reputation as the BHL's version of Mike Milbury, i've knocked them down a bit. Dupperon, Kosier, Danne and Steig all gone now. Some would say it isn't his fault, but wheres the fun in that? Instead, it was actually Brisbane's new colors driving people off the team. The maddening combo of purplered maroon and gold. If they can stabilize themselves, and the roster, they'll eek into the playoffs over Austin.

6. The Montreal Cavaliers. Nothing bad I can say about them. The model Wilen Franchise and proabaly the winners of the next three Thundercups. Also the home of the only Gm who publicly admits his love for anal sex, because, according to his radio show "its the closest you'll get to having sex with a 14 year old". Losses in Montreal may mean something different then on any other team, so they should be extra motivated.

5. San Francisco Seals. The Seals have a ton of talent with guys like Jon Desouza, Mark Redman and Eric Evelhoch. If they can remain healthy, a high probability, they can go very deep into the playoffs. The addition of Kosier will also help an already potent offense. Their weak on the left side, but have a good defense, something that should compensate for that.

4. The Vancouver Falocns. They've lost Godoe, but added Steig and Harmon, two players with brght BHL futures. I have a feeling that "Fuck the Falcons" will remain a league mantra for years to some.

3. The Dakota Warbirds. Chaz Hooker is on this team, how high could they fly? With a goalie like Robi Albert and a league vet like Kemppinen, they could challenge and push both Gem city and the Castors for the leagues best team.

2. The Castlegar Castors. The best BHL franchise from last year. Good enough to repeat and a lock to make it far into the post season, we'll see if Geralt has what it takes to go for a repeat performance. They've added Kemp which makes their already potent offense unbelievable. Their only weakness is on RW, but not by much. The D is crazy good.

1. The Gem City Aviators.

Their defense, take a minute to appreciate it, probably with moisturizer and tissue:

Jones
Tarver
Kuttinen
Giebler
OldField
Wiedmann.

Cyberdemon will also be doing rankings throughout the year. His will probably be better, so i hope you read them too.

Interview With Neck Dude...Er Jason Hodgson

BSPN: OK so here it goes. I'm just gonna jump right in and ask: did you or did you not have neck surgery?

Jason: The truth about the scar is I was actually attacked by a stranger in the offseason. I wanted to keep it hush hush but there have been way too many comments about it. All I remember from the attack was that he was wearing an "I'm not Kelly Griffin" t-shirt.

BSPN: Well it's glad to see you came out alive. An attack from a coked up bitch like that-you gotta have a big set of cajones to be able to take that. So after a disappointing year in Roswell, what are some goals you have for season 6? Besides the obvious "win teh cup!@!#!".

Jason: We've been pegged to finish in the basement of the league. I've never really been on teams that get much respect (Philly in Season 1 and Brisbane up until last season) so I'm kind of used to it by now. It's always fun to prove people wrong. There is no chance in hell we'll be in the basement under the leadership of Joe and our new coach and former captain when I was running the Clippers, Chris Baird.

BSPN: Who do you think the Aliens future "franchise player" is? Looking at Roswell's recent draft picks, no one really jumps out as a total safe bet, but there could be a few diamonds in the rough. What are your thoughts on these new guys?

Jason: We don't exactly have that superstar player. I think it's pretty well know that we're a team of character guys, buy a guy like Rossi on the front end and Rutka on the back end could turn a few heads in the league and aquiring Karding is huge for the team. The best part of the team is we all get along well, as long as Joe doesn't bring in Pat Maroon behind my back while I am not paying attention

BSPN: But I see Maroon slotting in nicely into your lineup. Wouldn't you enjoy playing aside a player of his extremely high caliber?

Jason: Not when that fat fuck would eat our entire pre-game meal. I know Rossi has about as much respect for the guy as I do, and that's none.

BSPN: Ouch. That hurts man. I'm president of his fanclub ya know. After the recent "attack" which has given you a neck injury, have you given any thought to wearing a neck guard in the coming season?
Jason: I have thought about it, but sadly there isn't a company that makes one in my size.

BSPN: Ah. Well my mom would gladly manufacture one. Would you like some short bread cookies as well?

Jason: Can she make me some chocolate chip ones instead?

BSPN: Hm. I'll have to check into that. Here's some random questions. First off, do you have any pregame rituals?

Jason: I usually have a pre-game nap either at home or in the hotel if we're on the road and then after that take a quick shower, head to the rink and have my pre-game meal.

BSPN: I ask this one to just about everyone: what's your favorite "pump up" song?

Jason: You can never go wrong with Refused - New Noise. I have a few others, but that's one of my regulars

BSPN: Boxers or briefs?

Jason: Boxer breifs.

BSPN: I'll have to remember that...Last one: Do you have anything you'd like to say to the reading public?
Jason: I'm just pumped for the next season and the upcoming world cup and I can't wait to get this started. We're going to shock the world I tell you.

BSPN: When has Canada ever shocked the world at hockey? Psh. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Jason: Umm...when's the last time the US has won anything on an international level...it certainly wasn't the last BHL World Cup and it's not going to happen this time either

BSPN: I'm not here to talk about the past. But the World Cup is for future discussion, thanks for sitting down with us. You're the man...Besides myself of course.

Jason: Thanks, and say hi to your mother for me.

BSPN: Will do!

I'm Jon Anderson...Bitch

Jason Hodgson will be the biggest bust of season 6...guaranteed. This aging player, who used to be one of the BHL's superstars, is on the decline. His level of play has steadily decreased over the last few seasons. Could it be time for him to hang 'em up?

After rumors surfaced of possible neck surgery on his completely oversized neck, Hodgson came out to dispel the rumors.

"Marquardt: 'I heard you had neck surgery in the off-season. Is that true?'

Hodgson: 'What kind of silly ass question is that. Everyone knows that my neck has been, and always will be healthy.'"

While in fact, Hodgson could be lying. Here's Dr. Daniel Alam's take on Jason's health. "Let's just face the facts, his neck is simply disproportionate to the rest of his body. This seems to have caused numerous problems with Jason's health, especially with the wear and tear of playing professional hockey. If you look at this close up of Jason's neck, you'll see a slight scar. This could be from surgery, or it could be a mere flesh wound, I guess we'll never really know. Although with a neck of his size, I would highly recommend the wearing of a braced neck guard for the remainder of his hockey career." Alam is one of the leading M.D.s from the American Academy of Otolaryngology.

Well, Now That That's Over...

Well it looks like the latest in league drama is over...for now. The re-re-ratings process has already begun, and should be released in the coming days. I agree with the system, but the timing could be better. Oh well, at least we will still have a league to play in.

What I'm wondering is how well the guidelines will be interpreted, comparing the way I rerated myself, to the way other people rerated themselves makes me think I was too stringent or cynical. Although, among my friends, cynicism is sort of my trademark.

This new rerating system could benefit a number of teams. First of which could be my own. Since the original reratings have been released, a lot of the lower rated players in the organization have gotten a lot more active.

I see a lot of people who were given a rating in arbitration that was deemed unfair by many, being disappointed by this process. But isn't that the point of the new system? It'll take a while to get used to seeing 75s and 80s as the new 80s and 85s, but for the sake of fairness it is well worth it.

Inhale...Exhale

I sure picked a great time to have the bulk of my swim meets, and if anyone cares I only have to drop 1.4 seconds of my time to make districts. But anyway, I see the league that I love falling apart, the league that we've all put so much into, could be on the brink of destruction.

This league is like a getaway for all of us. A vacation from the real world, where we all have school, work, kids, girls, sports, etc. It's a place where we can lace 'em up and live out the dream we all have, or have had at some point in our lives.

For a small amount of time, we can give ourselves the illusions of being professional hockey players. And for some it's even more. We can be sportswriters, we can be color commentators, we can be coaches, we can be GMs, we can be commissioners, we can be basically whatever the fuck we want to be.

I know, that whenever I've got shit going on in my life, problems with girls, problems with school, whatever the hell it is, I turn to this league to just get my mind off of everything. Whether it be writing an article for this blog, making some gear for Uber hockey, or just doing random shit and pretending I'm a legitimate professional hockey player, it just gets my mind off of everything, and it's a whole lotta fun. Like a vacation of sorts.

I've got plenty of opinions about what should happen, as I'm an extremely opinionated person, but I'm not gonna say 'em cause it doesn't really matter what I think. I'm just a stupid 15 year old kid with a blog about a fictional sports league. All that matters is what the people in control of this league think, and right now I've got no clue who the heck those people are.

Just please-don't let this thing fall apart because of personal problems with each other. I know, a few of us don't get along and want everything to go in a different direction. Civility is key here. Just chill the fuck out and listen to what everybody has to say, and, if you have no real knowledge of everything, like myself, just stay on the sidelines of this whole process. A dumbass post with some stupid assumption won't help anything one bit, trust me. Let's just hope this all gets fixed up soon, and we can get back to some sim league hockey.

And Now Your 2009 Gem City Yank...Er...Aviators

I really with I had the :eek: smiley on here. I really did not expect this. Schwadel to Gem City? Wow. Now McDonald seemed plausible due to his past Gem City ties...but dayummm.

When you think Gem City, you think Cole Jones. And then, you think class. Now I'm not saying Pete is not classy, hell he kept me away from becoming a hompasaurus rex, but he doesn't fit the quiet team first Gem City mold in my opinion.

Pete "Fucking" Schwadel has always come off to me as flamboyant. That type of personality just doesn't fit in with the Aviators persona. Not to mention the way he completely let down Austin, and still hasn't given a reason. I understand that real life always comes first, that's why I haven't posted in a while, but he could've posted and said "hey guys, I won't be around much for a while". But nope, didn't even get that, just got the "I don't care if you trade me". Team-first right?

Now I know, Pete makes all of us laugh, he's a great guy. But here in Austin, we still don't have an answer as to why he left us. At least Dan came back and checked in every once in a while. Pete didn't come back until he had a chance to flaunt himself around as the BHL free agent. When in reality, on my personal list, he wasn't even in the top 3. I'm sounding like an ass I know, but this needs to be brought up.

BSPN Draft Studios: Interview With Prospect Jon Rowson

BSPN: All right. So here's the first post of the BSPN Draft Day coverage. An interview with potential number one pick Jon Rowson. Well Rowsie, thanks for joining us here in the BSPN draft studios.
Jon Rowson: No problem at all.
BSPN: We'll start off looking back at last season. What was it like lifting a championship trophy for the Niagra Royals in your first year of North American hockey?
Jon Rowson: It was fantastic. The guys in the locker room were fantastic and it was a joy to play with them. Also, the thrill of winning, especially as Brooklyn well.. thrashed us in the first game in the round robin stage, and to get them back was thrilling. It was difficult because Alex [Rawnsley] was away for the playoffs, so I had to try my best to juggle the lines around, especially in case we couldn't get arguably the league MVP this year Adam L'Italien back, but thankfully we could get him back and he showed his worth in the playoffs. Yeah. It was fantastic.
BSPN: Ah yes you subbed in at coach for a while there. Did you enjoy that? Do you perhaps see yourself taking up a coaching position in the BHL in the future?
Jon Rowson: It was great to be able to coach. I didn't change much, as Alex set up all the tactics and stuff before the playoffs, and it was the same that we used all season, but it was great fun. In the future.. well. I'd want to get myself established as a BHL regular first and foremost, but in the future, I'd definatly want a shot to coach a team.
BSPN: On to the draft. First off, what team, or teams, would you like to go to? There have been rumors flying around of you going number one to the Austin Maraudersw.
Jon Rowson: Well, I've love to go to Austin, as I've talked with Andres in the past, and I'd really like to go there and be a major part of the "revival" and bringing Austin back to former glories. If not Austin, then I'd also like to play for Brisbane and Berlin, but wherever I end up, I'll put in 100% and play to my upmost ability
BSPN: What are some of your goals for next year? With you potentially being the number one pick, there are very high expectations for your play around the league.
Jon Rowson: My main goal is to solidify my spot as a solid defenseman, playing regularly and chipping in with points whenever I can. If I do get drafted first then I know the expectations will be high, but I'm confident thata I can perfom well next season, and hopefully be a big part of the teams success, wherever I end up
BSPN: I do believe you will be one of the first Brits to play at the peak of professional hockey, the BHL. Do you think it will be hard being so far from home, especially at your age? Granted, if somehow you end up in Berlin it won't be too far from england, but you'll be spending a lot of time out on the road.
Jon Rowson: I don't think it will be hard. I've already spent a year over in Niagara and it was a pleasure to live and play there, so I think i'll be fine
BSPN: Recently, there has been a lack of defenseman in the BHL. Why do you think that is? Is it simply because us forwards end up getting all the goals, whilst D-men such as yourself end up being sort of "unsung heroes"?
Jon Rowson: I'm not really sure to be honest. Maybe it's because being a defenseman isn't that "glamourous". I chose to be a defenseman mainly because that's the position I've played all my life, and I really enjoy it. It's not always about the stats!
BSPN: Time for a little rapid fire, quick question, quick answer. Favorite BHL player besides myself:
Jon Rowson: Ilya Sarin.
BSPN: Favorite BHL jersey:
Jon Rowson: Montreal
BSPN: Favorite equipment manufacturer:
Jon Rowson: I like the look of the Perkele stuff, and the name is fantastic.
BSPN: Isn't the name some sort of Finnish sware word? Favorite pre-game "pump-up" song:
Jon Rowson: It is. I'm not 100% sold on it's meaning though. Umm. That's a toughie. I'd probably go.. Breaking Benjamin - Diary of Jane
BSPN: Ok now here's the time for the final question, this could make or break your draft position. What in your particular skillset, do you find a BHL team will find most valuable? Whether it be on-ice talent, or off-ice "intangables" or both.
Jon Rowson: For me it's probably got to be off ice stuff. Like simming, or doing stuff to get other members on the team more active. I was lucky at Niagara, as the Royals were one of the most active, along with the Loggers, and it's much more fun to be on an active team, so if you can get other people to be more active, then it makes it more fun, not only for yourself, but for other members on your team
BSPN: And that wraps up the beginning of our BSPN draft coverage. Look for more in-depth analysis from the BSPN panel of experts later tonight around draft time. Thanks for sitting down with us Rowsie, been a real pleasure.
Jon Rowson: No problem. Thank you.

Back From Vacation, Now I Have To Look At This Shit

Well I'm back from a week that contained 3 days without running water, and 4 days without internet, but I survived. But the skiing was horrible.

I missed a few transactions, and I don't wanna go back and analyze something that has already passed, so I'll move on.

I come home from vacation and I discover this in my email inbox from a source in Brisbane management: A shitty ass jersey concept. I mean come on guys, I know you're Australian but you can do better than this. It looks like a damn Olympic jersey. And where'd the collars go? If we can't remember you for your play we might as well remember something else.

OK so maybe I was a little harsh, but I really do not like this jersey. I hope it's not a serious consideration for their uniforms next year, unlike most people I really liked their recent jerseys, collars and all.

The draft is tonight, and I'll be posting my opinion on some of the picks in here during the draft, although I'll miss maybe the first 45 minutes because I have to ref a game at 5:20. My little brother happens to be playing in it. Tehehehehehe...